Float free.

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A week ago I got really lost. Not GPS lost (you can find your way anywhere these days, right?).  It was that figurative, spiritual, “what am I doing?” lost.  De-railed.  Insecure.  Feeling like a looser.  It wasn’t pretty.

I raged. I yelled.  All of that pretty much made it worse. The world around me seemd small, limited, closing in.   Struggle was the feeling du jour for many days on end.

I searched high and low for answers. Why? Why do I have to go through this? What purpose does this serve for me? I checked my horoscope at my fav astrology site. The words rang true and provided some insight, but I was still unsettled.   I added up my year, month and day of birth to find a clue through numerology.  I pulled Tarot cards in search of an answer and again, insight but no relief.  I could not lift the cloud – ironic for something so light to be so heavy.

And then, just as my rage/fear/anger became more intense, it lifted. As quickly as it had arrived the struggle was gone. I felt light, free. It seemed like magick.

After thinking about the whole process I realized that maybe it wasn’t so magickal after all.

Just as things became darkest I remembered that I finally just let go.  Resigned, I gave in to all the energies from within and without and allowed them to just envelope me.   And then, all of a sudden, in that moment, I floated free.  Much like being caught in a hydraulic, a back current caused by a rock on a river, the more I struggled, the stronger the forces pulling me down became. The only way I would break free would be to let go and allow myself to “pop” up to the surface and float.

I did.  Somehow my inner guides and instinct told me to just release.  At that moment all seemed perfectly right in my world.  The broken pieces fell immediately into place.  I could see clearly, vision and light returned.   My world once again felt open and expansive,  filled with the excitement of a million possibilities.

The answer?

I think we will always find ourselves getting lost (note the intended pun 🙂 for longer or shorter periods of time.  These are the normal  cycles of the cosmos that provide us a time to clean out, re-establish and reset our path.   It’s a time where we get to see all the emotional “junk” we’ve collected and take the opportunity to release it.

Bottom line?  Don’t struggle against it.  Simply experiencing and riding on the surface will make the journey through this patch a more valuable process. By allowing we are able to see,  and cast off from a vantage point of observation.  This gives us more understanding of what we are releasing and why it doesn’t serve.  It’s a perspective that supports growth and evolution as opposed to “just making it through”.  Hopefully this means we don’t collect the same “junk” and repeat the cycle in the same way all over again. We will find ourselves at this place again, but this time from a higher, wiser place.

So the next time I see this coming I’ll come back to this post. And I’m sure I’ll say “YEAH RIGHT, THIS IS DIFFERENT”. But then, I’ll remember and let my arms go, release the struggle to watch what I jettison this time and grow.

Here’s to you as you find the easy way too.

2 comments

  1. Throwing your hands up in the air is a great way to access your inner GPS! thx for this great post, DB.

  2. Like the “inner GPS.” Resonates with me.

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